Wow, what a month it’s been.  Moving is a bitch.  There’s just no other way to put it.  We were semi organized, we had amazing friends helping, we hired a moving company for the big stuff.  Still, moving 7 people from 2800sq ft to 1200sq ft means a LOT of purging.
It’s truly freeing to part with things, choosing to gift rather than sell.  It’s not that the money wouldn’t have been nice, moving is also seriously expensive, but we have had people be so generous to us in the past that I figure it’s good karma.  Comes down to it being just stuff and giving away was fast – people want free stuff!
We moved into a cute little place in Winslow –

 Mama K taxi has basically parked in the evenings.  What a treat that is.  No more parking lot sitting for me.  I can be home most evenings with the family.  I have time to work out (walk to the gym), we watch a family movie most nights together and have enjoyed the freedom of walking to our date nights.  The boys love the freedom of meeting up with their friends in town and hanging out or going together to grab a bite to eat.  Erin and I have been walking to the library – her absolute favorite place to go – and feeding her voracious reading habit!
Another plus is the sunshine – we have had many family dinner outside (no mosquitos!) and friends over to enjoy the yard and sun.  We can

 have my parents over to eat also, my dad’s wheelchair works in the yard!  That is a plus because truly the only downside (and it’s a HUGE one) is that we don’t live next door to my parents any more.  I feel grateful that we had 4 years next door, and am trying desperately to convince them to move into town, but not seeing them every day is really hard.  It’s weird to describe, but there’s a big void in my heart.  I can’t complain because we see them usually 1-2 times a week and we talk daily on the phone, but it’s different and makes me sad.
  The place is finally at the point where we feel moved in now, it’s homey and we are really liking it.  We back to how we were in the Falk house – our family does well in small spaces.
    As always, we have an open door – now even easier than ever to pop in and say Hi.  We can walk and meet for dinner or coffee, too.

The rumors are true – we are moving.  I don’t have a big !!! after it, because we have so many mixed emotions surrounding this one.
We have been so extremely lucky to live next door to my parents for the last 4 years, and I just wanted to believe that we could stay this way.  Life has other plans.
Let me start with the positives – as it’s going to happen regardless, we may as well focus on the good that will come of it.   We are moving into Winslow and for me, that will mean the Mom Taxi will be taking a serious break in the evening hours.  Everywhere the kids need/want to be (besides Battle Point) is within walking or biking distance.  This will mean my evenings can be more relaxed and I’m looking forward to that.  Being in town also means that I get to re-join the gym and an evening workout is literally right across the street.  Can’t wait for that!  We can also walk to date nights and Dee and I can actually have date nights!  Looking forward to time spent together and the greater independence our kids will have.
     This move doesn’t come easy, not only are we moving further from my parents (this makes me SO SO sad!) we are also not able to continue fostering one of our little guys.  We are devastated.  In 16 years of fostering, we have never had anyone moved.  I’m hoping he can settle in and we can still be a part of his life.  The house is a LOT (1200 sq feet) smaller and the layout just doesn’t work.  We are also having to re-home our cat of 10 years and that’s so so sad.  The rental market on Bainbridge is crazy right now and we feel so fortunate that we got a place at all.  It’s a cute spot and we truly are focusing on the positives.
     So, the big day is July 20th – all are welcome to come by, grab a box or two and give us a hand!  We have purged so so much stuff, the Goodwill is my second home right now.  Hoping to start our new chapter even more organized and streamlined.

   The time has come -the trip that Carlos has worked so hard for in finally here!   Tomorrow morning, my boy will board a flight to Manchester, England to train and watch some Premier League games with his soccer coaches and teammates.  Trip of a lifetime!
    There have been a few more snuggles this past week.  A few extra hugs and I love yous snuck in.  He will truly be miss and it’s hard for me to think that he’s so far away.  I have complete faith that all will be well, but I know I won’t sleep well until he’s back safe at home.  I can’t wait for all the pictures and stories.  It’s incredible to watch his dream come true and know just how hard he worked to raise every penny for this trip.

    For the most part, I’m a genuine person.  I see the glass as half full, I can see potential and  possibilities and don’t stress too much about the “what ifs”.  If you ask my opinion,  I will give it to you.  I try to live my life as real as I can be. I’m positive but also realistic and practical, not a dreamer.  Maybe too much so.
    I have been thinking a lot about a friend of mine who I credit for pushing me out of being a “pleaser” to becoming my genuine self.  Growing up I always did what was expected of me, rarely rocked the boat.
   In my 5th grade year, my family moved to Tacoma to live w my grandma after my grandfather had passed away.  We knew we were there just for that year and going back to Bainbridge afterward.  My brother had told me that 5th grade didn’t count and that no matter what, they wouldn’t hold me back.  There was something freeing about that.  I was desperate for people to like me at this new school, so I became the class clown.  Looking back, I was probably a nightmare for this teacher.  I remember my parents being called into a meeting with Mrs Ross and sitting there laughing while she (who was So straight laced)  told them what a problem I was.  At that one point in my childhood, I really didn’t care about the consequences of my actions, it felt good to be a little “bad”.
When we came back, things went back to how they were before.  There was an expectation of my behavior at school and activities and I knew that living in a small town, eyes were on my every move.
I did just what I had to do to get a B average in school and was more focused on sports and friends than anything else.  I was like a chameleon, acted just how I was supposed to, changing myself to fit in with whoever I was with at the time.  I didn’t get in a ton of trouble…there was that time Robb and I tried to get Shannon to buy us beer and cigarettes but we all know that didn’t go so well and even without cellphones, our parents found out before we even got home….and Cameron’s party….and setting Rockaway Beach on fire…and paint night…ok, basically I was a pretty good kid.
  So back to this friend.   I met Lori back when I was coaching her daughter in softball.  She was more genuine than anyone I had ever known.  Being such a pleaser all my life, I was in awe of how someone could just say exactly what they meant.  She had people’s respect and seemed to have her shit together, like totally together.  I was so far from that. Over the years as our friendship grew, she challenged me to break out of my need to make everyone happy and to be more my genuine self.  I remember at one point we were sitting in her car having a deep discussion of life and she kept saying some pretty harsh things.  I finally looked at her, angry tears brewing, and said, “F-you! Go to hell!” and I started to get out of the car.  She laughed and immediately called me back in and said “I am SO proud of you, good job!”  I was still so angry, but got back in the car.  She hugged me, she was also in tears, but she was so proud of the break through.  I look back now and can remember everything about that moment.  It was one of my life’s defining moments.  I am thankful that she was there.  They say people come into your life for a reason, and I feel that hers was really clear.  She has since passed away, but I see her in her girls.  They are incredible adults, just like their mama.  Tell it like it is, fiery and genuine.  She would be so so proud.
    Now, many years later, I have defined myself in a way that I am pretty content with.  Far from perfection, but happy and most importantly, genuine.  I don’t mean that to sound arrogant, that’s not me at all.  Just all in all, I think I’m doing ok.  I hear/read so much about finding your self worth and women constantly being caught up in not being good enough.  Seriously, what’s the point of that? If you can give yourself ANY gift, let go of what people think of you.  Laugh out loud at a play that you find funny, have that cake if you want it, smile and be kind.  We are all doing our best!

 It’s trendy to be Tidying Up right now.  I was onboard a couple years ago when  I read Marie Kondo’s book and got inspired to have less.  I didn’t necessarily go full in and thank all the clothes I was giving away, or purge to the point where I had almost nothing.  I did, however, get rid of a lot.
Forward to now and she’s got a show on Netflix and she’s this adorable, peppy lady who helps people with their messes and I somehow have a lot of things again and she’s inspired me once more to purge.
This weekend I decide to take the time (again) and go through my closet and drawers.
I’m not by any stretch of the imagination a fashionista.  I honestly have 8 of the same shirt in different colors that I usually wear.   It was a bit shocking to me to have EVERYTHING out on the bed and have it be an overwhelming amount of stuff.  I have lost some weight in the last year, so I had 3 sizes of things to purge but overall it was more just me accumulating without thinking.
Her method works.  You pull it all out, you hold each piece and decide if it “sparks joy” for you.  If it does, it stays but if it doesn’t it’s gone.  For me, it’s not as much as sparking joy and more about if I feel good wearing it.  I had SO many clothes that I put on that I hated how I looked in them yet I kept them for no real reason.  Why??
Here’s what I got rid of:
15 paris of shoes (even some cool Converse I love but make my giant size 11s look like clown feet so I never wear them)
46 pairs of socks
34 pairs of panties
9 grocery bags full of shirts and pants

I only post this because it feels SO good to have so much less.  I encourage you to give it a try.  It’s seriously embarrassing to have so much extra stuff, but feels good to streamline it.  This morning I didn’t have to dig through the drawer to find the pair of socks I like, they are all just right there.  They all fit.  Life made simpler.
The kids did it, too.  That may have been a bit tougher for me as some of the things they purged were clearly more of an attachment for me then them.  That new Sounders jersey!?  Yup, doesn’t fit right…gone.
Give it a try!  You will feel great!

   I’ve been told my last post was sad – sorry about that.  It was not my intention to bring everyone down.  My blogging is much more my way of thinking through things rather than getting those feelings out to whoever reads it.  Life can be overwhelming and hard sometimes, but it is GOOD.
   Moving on.  Today is the first day back into a partially normal routine.  Three out of seven are back in school and the morning had some form of normalcy to it.  I do love routine, but I also truly miss the presence of my people being home.  
   We had a 3 day respite from the little ones, and it was eye opening.  As they do add chaos and having 7 kids, three being under 4 years old, is a LOT to handle and stretching my organizational skills to their max.   With them being gone, though, I realized that there were some underlying issues that needed to be talked about/dealt with within our core family in order for it to run more smoothly.  It’s not just about the babies.  I think with them it adds enough extra that I wasn’t seeing we needed some work as core family.
    My revelations on this started when my mom pointed out to me that there is always a lot of conversation about everything with our people.  Not only does everyone here feel that their opinion matters, they feel the need to pipe in on every conversation.  This is a good news/bad news thing for me.  I honestly do value everyone’s opinion.  I’m glad they feel confident and safe to voice opinions but the bottom line is that some things aren’t up for discussion.  It is not a democracy.  I expect that when I say “stop” it means stop immediately then we can move on from there.  Practice makes perfect and we are starting to make changes.  Of course, same as any family, we have certain kids who’s relationship is much easier, some who butt heads constantly and they all know how to push each other’s buttons expertly.  Bottom line is, we all do love each other and there is an underlying level of respect.

I titled this post Big Families but I’m not 100% sure if this is accurate for all big families or more specifically big foster families.  I know our kids come from trauma/abuse/drug affects and that has significant impact on behaviors, so maybe it’s not the same.  Our maybe it is.  Maybe it’s about the number of people, all with their individual needs and some feeling as if they aren’t getting what they need.  Is it the same if everyone is permanent?  Is it different that fostering seems like a “choice” we as parents as making?  Are we doing the right thing by our older kids here or will there be so much resentment that that’s what they will carry and remember from their childhood?

It’s mid December now.   We started the “holidays” the day after Thanksgiving with a giant boost of Christmas spirit but now it seems the work part has kicked in for me and I’m less jolly and festive.   Mostly for me it’s coming down to the wire to make sure the gifts are even (not only monetarily but in “want” value and quantity), making sure we get in those must do holiday things (drive around and see the lights?  YES!) and get everything wrapped and under the tree.
    We do our daily Advent cups (link here to what those are all about) and I think the kids still look forward to it, even though our lives are much busier so we don’t always get to do what’s inside.  They understand that part, though, but I find if I’m not the driving force behind it then it’s not going to happen.  We are at a point in our family where we will always have dinner together, but after dinner the big kids tend to want some time to themselves.  I get it, I was the same, but it makes me sad.  The advent may say “watch frosty” and I know the boys probably won’t do that so I modify it a bit.  We watch Frosty with the littles, put them to bed and I put on Die Hard for Dee and I.  It worked, got ’em all to hang out with us for a couple hours.  As they get older,  it makes me truly cherish the times that they do snuggle up to watch a movie w us.  I’m lucky that our kids still want to spend a little time with us.  Don’t get me wrong, we’re not “cool” or anything, but we are ok.
   Another fun thing is that Trey has taken over the task of moving Cornelius the Elf each day.  I get why people hate the Elf but I’ve had fun over the years.  I know Trey is finding joy in it this year because the first thing Erin does when she wakes up is go on the hunt for him.  He’s been on the tree, hanging candy canes on door ways, taping himself to the cabinet, chilling out in the fridge…Trey leaves a little note (which Erin keeps because she believes it’s truly from Cornelius) with a clue and off she goes.  It’s pretty sweet.
    We had one of our little foster guys come back, and he’s awesome and we had missed him.  I have to admit, having 7 kids for the holidays (or in general) is exhausting.  We’ve got ages 15, 14, 13, 7, 3, 18mo and 6 mo now.  Everyone gets along, thankfully, and the big kids have stepped up and have been helping out by doing their chores w no complaints and even offering to do little extras that make such a difference.  We truly are doing alright but it’s a lot on our plates.  We run a pretty tight ship, have to be organized with so many people,  so in many ways so adding another one doesn’t add too much to the chaos.  We also have a dear friend who has made us a couple dinners.  What a gift that has been for us.  We are in “rotisserie chicken and a salad” mode otherwise because there isn’t much time to get to the store and shop let alone cook.  Levi thinks he should be a personal chef and the kids prefer his meals to mine.  I have a hard time accepting help, but have to admit that was so nice and did help a lot!
    Into the final stretch we go – hope everyone is managing and getting all done that they need to and finding time to breathe and embrace the chaos.

    Christmas lists – I’m always curious to see just what things my kids will add to their lists each year.  It’s always a struggle for me to balance trying to make it even and having everyone feel good about what they got, but not break the bank in the process.
    When Erin and I were on our Christmas tree search, we passed an Alpaca farm.  We were out in the middle of nowhere, so we stopped to watch them for a little bit.  Erin LOVED them.  She immediately said “Oh, I’m putting an Alpaca on my Christmas list for sure!”  I am a realist and didn’t want her getting her hopes up for something she’s never going to get and told her that Mama Dee and I wouldn’t say yes to that.  She didn’t miss a beat and said “That’s why I’m not asking YOU, I’m asking Santa for it”   Deep breath.  I told her that she could put it on her list, but that Santa knows we don’t have a farm so he may not think it’s in the alpaca’s best interest.  It’s at the top of her list still!
   Then we have Carlos – he always has the same things on his list…ice tea, food, money.  His needs are simple and really don’t change year to year.
    Trey is one that tends to find something and run with it.  This year it’s FallOut 76 game (and memorabilia to go with it) but truth be told, his favorite thing will be any kind of Marvel Encyclopedia he gets that he will spend the entire day of Christmas reading.
   Levi always surprises me a bit.  He says he really doesn’t need much, he wants a watch and a record player and a water bottle.  I asked him what records and he hadn’t really thought about the music he was going to play on it.  Cracked me up.
     The littles are easy – pretty sure I could wrap up the toys we already had and they would be happy.  They honestly just want to rip the paper and play with the boxes.  Of course, there are some new toys under the tree as well.
     Dee is IMPOSSIBLE to buy for – gift cards are boring and she more of a collector than someone who actually goes and spends them (except Starbucks!).  I can’t tell you how many cool gadgets are sitting somewhere in the basement as an attempt at putting something under the tree in years past.  She’s got a ton of Seahawks gear (and tickets are too $ for me to afford) and she claims to want nothing.
    Me?  I truly don’t have anything material that I want.  I know that sounds lame, but I don’t hold a lot of value in stuff. What makes me happy is time with the people I love.  What makes me happy to find just the right gift and see the joy on their face when they open it.  My favorite part of Christmas is when we are sitting in the middle of the mess after the presents are opened, sipping coffee and my kids are smiling and excited to try their new gadgets and they are excited for each other and we are all together.  That’s all I truly want for Christmas.   Whats on your list?

I am hesitant to write this blog post, as I’m a bit of a believer in superstition and don’t want to jinx anything.  That being said, I’m not sure my post would be the same if I didn’t write it now.
For the last 6 months or so, Carlos has been working toward Surf Academy tryouts.  Surf Academy is a showcase team that brings elite players together with the goal of raising their skill level and preparing them for playing at the college level.
   Carlos has been training with his team, playing futsol and doing a couple added personal soccer training days per week in order to better prepare himself.  I have been floored by his level of commitment.  He’s been aware of the foods he eats and going to bed before our set bedtime so he’s sure he is getting enough sleep.  Not your typical teen but he’s so focused on this being what he wants and he’s willing to work hard to get it.
    For me, I do all I can as a mom to encourage him but also keep the reality of him not making it out there so he doesn’t get crushed.  It’s a hard balance.  I DO believe in him.  I think they would be dumb not to have him.  He’d be their hardest working player and truly thrive with that level of play.  I don’t say this because he’s my kid, he was born with a work ethic like no other.
   When we got to the tryouts, he was one of 64 kids to show up for 30 spots.  Technically 30 spots, but since its an already established team they have a large number of returning players and I would assume they will be re-chosen to be on it.  So without knowing just how many spots they need to fill, what player positions they are looking for and who they already know….that meant that he had to stand out to them and he had only 2 training sessions to do that.  One thing about Carlos, he’s determined and gets it done but he tends to be on the quiet side.  I will give him credit, he made a point to walk up and shake the hands of the coaches, introduce himself and thank them for the opportunity to try out (that was HUGE for him) and he was also very vocal out on the pitch.  I was impressed.  Of course, they wouldn’t know how big that was for him but as a mama I knew that he was doing all he could to stand out in his own conservative way.
   At the end they talked about the financial part, and he knows that things like this are a stretch for us but we make it work.  He leaned over and said, “Mom, I’ll work for this.  I’ll earn the money and pay for the travel and all myself, don’t worry.”
    As I stood there watching, I really couldn’t tell how he measured up to the others.  I have no idea if he will get a callback or a no thank you.  In my heart, I know just how badly he wants this.  As a mom, I know how hard he has worked and that he’s good.  I want them to at least call him back so he can be sure they really saw him.   The waiting is hard, but part of me is dreading giving him the news if it’s bad.  I know it’s my job, but he will be initially heartbroken then push himself harder so he can make it next year.  I am excited to get a callback email so I can give him the good news – he will be the happiest kid in the world, then work double time preparing for the callbacks.
   Whatever it is, it will be what is meant to be.  I have to have faith in that.  So send all your good vibes Carlos’ way.  He should hear by tomorrow….until then, breathing deep.