For the most part, I’m a genuine person.  I see the glass as half full, I can see potential and  possibilities and don’t stress too much about the “what ifs”.  If you ask my opinion,  I will give it to you.  I try to live my life as real as I can be. I’m positive but also realistic and practical, not a dreamer.  Maybe too much so.
    I have been thinking a lot about a friend of mine who I credit for pushing me out of being a “pleaser” to becoming my genuine self.  Growing up I always did what was expected of me, rarely rocked the boat.
   In my 5th grade year, my family moved to Tacoma to live w my grandma after my grandfather had passed away.  We knew we were there just for that year and going back to Bainbridge afterward.  My brother had told me that 5th grade didn’t count and that no matter what, they wouldn’t hold me back.  There was something freeing about that.  I was desperate for people to like me at this new school, so I became the class clown.  Looking back, I was probably a nightmare for this teacher.  I remember my parents being called into a meeting with Mrs Ross and sitting there laughing while she (who was So straight laced)  told them what a problem I was.  At that one point in my childhood, I really didn’t care about the consequences of my actions, it felt good to be a little “bad”.
When we came back, things went back to how they were before.  There was an expectation of my behavior at school and activities and I knew that living in a small town, eyes were on my every move.
I did just what I had to do to get a B average in school and was more focused on sports and friends than anything else.  I was like a chameleon, acted just how I was supposed to, changing myself to fit in with whoever I was with at the time.  I didn’t get in a ton of trouble…there was that time Robb and I tried to get Shannon to buy us beer and cigarettes but we all know that didn’t go so well and even without cellphones, our parents found out before we even got home….and Cameron’s party….and setting Rockaway Beach on fire…and paint night…ok, basically I was a pretty good kid.
  So back to this friend.   I met Lori back when I was coaching her daughter in softball.  She was more genuine than anyone I had ever known.  Being such a pleaser all my life, I was in awe of how someone could just say exactly what they meant.  She had people’s respect and seemed to have her shit together, like totally together.  I was so far from that. Over the years as our friendship grew, she challenged me to break out of my need to make everyone happy and to be more my genuine self.  I remember at one point we were sitting in her car having a deep discussion of life and she kept saying some pretty harsh things.  I finally looked at her, angry tears brewing, and said, “F-you! Go to hell!” and I started to get out of the car.  She laughed and immediately called me back in and said “I am SO proud of you, good job!”  I was still so angry, but got back in the car.  She hugged me, she was also in tears, but she was so proud of the break through.  I look back now and can remember everything about that moment.  It was one of my life’s defining moments.  I am thankful that she was there.  They say people come into your life for a reason, and I feel that hers was really clear.  She has since passed away, but I see her in her girls.  They are incredible adults, just like their mama.  Tell it like it is, fiery and genuine.  She would be so so proud.
    Now, many years later, I have defined myself in a way that I am pretty content with.  Far from perfection, but happy and most importantly, genuine.  I don’t mean that to sound arrogant, that’s not me at all.  Just all in all, I think I’m doing ok.  I hear/read so much about finding your self worth and women constantly being caught up in not being good enough.  Seriously, what’s the point of that? If you can give yourself ANY gift, let go of what people think of you.  Laugh out loud at a play that you find funny, have that cake if you want it, smile and be kind.  We are all doing our best!