I titled this post Big Families but I’m not 100% sure if this is accurate for all big families or more specifically big foster families.  I know our kids come from trauma/abuse/drug affects and that has significant impact on behaviors, so maybe it’s not the same.  Our maybe it is.  Maybe it’s about the number of people, all with their individual needs and some feeling as if they aren’t getting what they need.  Is it the same if everyone is permanent?  Is it different that fostering seems like a “choice” we as parents as making?  Are we doing the right thing by our older kids here or will there be so much resentment that that’s what they will carry and remember from their childhood?

It’s mid December now.   We started the “holidays” the day after Thanksgiving with a giant boost of Christmas spirit but now it seems the work part has kicked in for me and I’m less jolly and festive.   Mostly for me it’s coming down to the wire to make sure the gifts are even (not only monetarily but in “want” value and quantity), making sure we get in those must do holiday things (drive around and see the lights?  YES!) and get everything wrapped and under the tree.
    We do our daily Advent cups (link here to what those are all about) and I think the kids still look forward to it, even though our lives are much busier so we don’t always get to do what’s inside.  They understand that part, though, but I find if I’m not the driving force behind it then it’s not going to happen.  We are at a point in our family where we will always have dinner together, but after dinner the big kids tend to want some time to themselves.  I get it, I was the same, but it makes me sad.  The advent may say “watch frosty” and I know the boys probably won’t do that so I modify it a bit.  We watch Frosty with the littles, put them to bed and I put on Die Hard for Dee and I.  It worked, got ’em all to hang out with us for a couple hours.  As they get older,  it makes me truly cherish the times that they do snuggle up to watch a movie w us.  I’m lucky that our kids still want to spend a little time with us.  Don’t get me wrong, we’re not “cool” or anything, but we are ok.
   Another fun thing is that Trey has taken over the task of moving Cornelius the Elf each day.  I get why people hate the Elf but I’ve had fun over the years.  I know Trey is finding joy in it this year because the first thing Erin does when she wakes up is go on the hunt for him.  He’s been on the tree, hanging candy canes on door ways, taping himself to the cabinet, chilling out in the fridge…Trey leaves a little note (which Erin keeps because she believes it’s truly from Cornelius) with a clue and off she goes.  It’s pretty sweet.
    We had one of our little foster guys come back, and he’s awesome and we had missed him.  I have to admit, having 7 kids for the holidays (or in general) is exhausting.  We’ve got ages 15, 14, 13, 7, 3, 18mo and 6 mo now.  Everyone gets along, thankfully, and the big kids have stepped up and have been helping out by doing their chores w no complaints and even offering to do little extras that make such a difference.  We truly are doing alright but it’s a lot on our plates.  We run a pretty tight ship, have to be organized with so many people,  so in many ways so adding another one doesn’t add too much to the chaos.  We also have a dear friend who has made us a couple dinners.  What a gift that has been for us.  We are in “rotisserie chicken and a salad” mode otherwise because there isn’t much time to get to the store and shop let alone cook.  Levi thinks he should be a personal chef and the kids prefer his meals to mine.  I have a hard time accepting help, but have to admit that was so nice and did help a lot!
    Into the final stretch we go – hope everyone is managing and getting all done that they need to and finding time to breathe and embrace the chaos.

    Christmas lists – I’m always curious to see just what things my kids will add to their lists each year.  It’s always a struggle for me to balance trying to make it even and having everyone feel good about what they got, but not break the bank in the process.
    When Erin and I were on our Christmas tree search, we passed an Alpaca farm.  We were out in the middle of nowhere, so we stopped to watch them for a little bit.  Erin LOVED them.  She immediately said “Oh, I’m putting an Alpaca on my Christmas list for sure!”  I am a realist and didn’t want her getting her hopes up for something she’s never going to get and told her that Mama Dee and I wouldn’t say yes to that.  She didn’t miss a beat and said “That’s why I’m not asking YOU, I’m asking Santa for it”   Deep breath.  I told her that she could put it on her list, but that Santa knows we don’t have a farm so he may not think it’s in the alpaca’s best interest.  It’s at the top of her list still!
   Then we have Carlos – he always has the same things on his list…ice tea, food, money.  His needs are simple and really don’t change year to year.
    Trey is one that tends to find something and run with it.  This year it’s FallOut 76 game (and memorabilia to go with it) but truth be told, his favorite thing will be any kind of Marvel Encyclopedia he gets that he will spend the entire day of Christmas reading.
   Levi always surprises me a bit.  He says he really doesn’t need much, he wants a watch and a record player and a water bottle.  I asked him what records and he hadn’t really thought about the music he was going to play on it.  Cracked me up.
     The littles are easy – pretty sure I could wrap up the toys we already had and they would be happy.  They honestly just want to rip the paper and play with the boxes.  Of course, there are some new toys under the tree as well.
     Dee is IMPOSSIBLE to buy for – gift cards are boring and she more of a collector than someone who actually goes and spends them (except Starbucks!).  I can’t tell you how many cool gadgets are sitting somewhere in the basement as an attempt at putting something under the tree in years past.  She’s got a ton of Seahawks gear (and tickets are too $ for me to afford) and she claims to want nothing.
    Me?  I truly don’t have anything material that I want.  I know that sounds lame, but I don’t hold a lot of value in stuff. What makes me happy is time with the people I love.  What makes me happy to find just the right gift and see the joy on their face when they open it.  My favorite part of Christmas is when we are sitting in the middle of the mess after the presents are opened, sipping coffee and my kids are smiling and excited to try their new gadgets and they are excited for each other and we are all together.  That’s all I truly want for Christmas.   Whats on your list?

I am hesitant to write this blog post, as I’m a bit of a believer in superstition and don’t want to jinx anything.  That being said, I’m not sure my post would be the same if I didn’t write it now.
For the last 6 months or so, Carlos has been working toward Surf Academy tryouts.  Surf Academy is a showcase team that brings elite players together with the goal of raising their skill level and preparing them for playing at the college level.
   Carlos has been training with his team, playing futsol and doing a couple added personal soccer training days per week in order to better prepare himself.  I have been floored by his level of commitment.  He’s been aware of the foods he eats and going to bed before our set bedtime so he’s sure he is getting enough sleep.  Not your typical teen but he’s so focused on this being what he wants and he’s willing to work hard to get it.
    For me, I do all I can as a mom to encourage him but also keep the reality of him not making it out there so he doesn’t get crushed.  It’s a hard balance.  I DO believe in him.  I think they would be dumb not to have him.  He’d be their hardest working player and truly thrive with that level of play.  I don’t say this because he’s my kid, he was born with a work ethic like no other.
   When we got to the tryouts, he was one of 64 kids to show up for 30 spots.  Technically 30 spots, but since its an already established team they have a large number of returning players and I would assume they will be re-chosen to be on it.  So without knowing just how many spots they need to fill, what player positions they are looking for and who they already know….that meant that he had to stand out to them and he had only 2 training sessions to do that.  One thing about Carlos, he’s determined and gets it done but he tends to be on the quiet side.  I will give him credit, he made a point to walk up and shake the hands of the coaches, introduce himself and thank them for the opportunity to try out (that was HUGE for him) and he was also very vocal out on the pitch.  I was impressed.  Of course, they wouldn’t know how big that was for him but as a mama I knew that he was doing all he could to stand out in his own conservative way.
   At the end they talked about the financial part, and he knows that things like this are a stretch for us but we make it work.  He leaned over and said, “Mom, I’ll work for this.  I’ll earn the money and pay for the travel and all myself, don’t worry.”
    As I stood there watching, I really couldn’t tell how he measured up to the others.  I have no idea if he will get a callback or a no thank you.  In my heart, I know just how badly he wants this.  As a mom, I know how hard he has worked and that he’s good.  I want them to at least call him back so he can be sure they really saw him.   The waiting is hard, but part of me is dreading giving him the news if it’s bad.  I know it’s my job, but he will be initially heartbroken then push himself harder so he can make it next year.  I am excited to get a callback email so I can give him the good news – he will be the happiest kid in the world, then work double time preparing for the callbacks.
   Whatever it is, it will be what is meant to be.  I have to have faith in that.  So send all your good vibes Carlos’ way.  He should hear by tomorrow….until then, breathing deep.