So this morning was a bit rough for our family – started out pretty normal but somehow took a turn about mid-point.  There is always some chaos as we attempt to get ourselves plus 6 kids out the door to start their day.  Dee and I get the babies up and ready around 6:45 and she takes them to daycare, then I get the rest of the kids up at 7 so they can get ready by 8:05 when we have to leave.  To give you an idea of what it expected, each child needs to eat breakfast, make their lunch, take a shower and do one family chore.  That could easily be accomplished in about 20 minutes.
We have one who buckles down and gets it all done so he has time to watch a show before school, one who struggles with time management and needs constant reminders to move on from one task so the others can be completed before it’s time to leave, one who spends most of his time trying to derail anyone else’s progress and one who needs more done for them but basically gets things done by the time we have to leave.
This morning, we got the babies out the door and I got the rest of the kids up and went upstairs to get dressed.  I heard chaos erupting so I skipped the shower (eeew, I know) and went down because it was clear that this morning they couldn’t handle getting ready on their own.  I asked one “did you eat breakfast?” and his reply was “yes, I had a banana and 2 Eggos”   I felt the toaster, cold.  There was only one dirty plate (that of the one who was already done with everything and snuggled on the couch watching his show) and I knew I had been lied to.  I asked again, because our rule is that if you tell the truth there is no consequence, but still got “yes, I ate”   Now the frustration set in for me…why on Earth lie about something so trivial!?  I told him I knew he was lying, to bring me his iPod and that he had lost electronics for the day.  He did and got on with his stuff, grumbling a bit.
When I saw his iPod, I also realized that another’s Kindle wasn’t where it is supposed to be at night.  I asked him where it was and he very unconvincingly looked around for it claiming that someone must have moved it.  I went directly up into his room and found it plugged in next to his bed, lifted his pillow (because his iPod has been “missing” for a few days and found that he had taken his brother’s pack of gum and chewed the majority of it and left the wrappers under his pillow.  Seriously!?
Anyhow, I confronted him with my find of the Kindle and that since he had broken family rules and lied about it, he lost the privilege of having a playdate on Wednesday.  He immediately went off on me about how mean I am, yadda yadda yadda…then went on to say “Hey Erin, want to know something about Santa?”  This completely crossed the line for me.  He can be nasty and call me names and vent his anger but I draw the line at him ruining the magic of Christmas for his sister.  Super lame.  He was sent up to clean up his room and think about how it could have all gone differently.
So here I sit, knowing it was a bad parenting morning and wondering how it could have gone differently.  I try to be fair, always honest with my kids and expect the same in return.  It is clearly too much to ask of them.  I am happy to do what I do for my kids and I’m sure I baby them too much and do too much for them, but I enjoy it.  I don’t ask for thanks or praise for it, I truly am happy to do it, but find the hostility and ungratefulness a hard pill to swallow.
Anyone else in the same boat?

As foster parents, there are not too many stories like this one.  We were honored to be a part of it.
I got Lilly’s mom’s permission to tell this story.

When we were called to pick up Lilly from the PICC center, we weren’t quite sure what to expect.  We’d had drug affected babies before, but never one who had had to be in PICC (Pediatric Interim Care Center) and detoxed for 6 weeks using morphine.  It was a bit scary.  We got her the day before Memorial Day weekend, where we head to Port Townsend for a big soccer weekend with friends.  Since there are 5 families to a house there, we weren’t sure whether someone would have to sleep in the car or get another hotel room – drug babies sometimes have a really high pitched scream and are super sensitive.  Lilly was none of those things, she was the sweetest little girl from day one.
She was spoiled all weekend and loved by all.  That didn’t change when we got home, she was a perfect baby and we all fell in love with her.  We knew she had overcome great odds and was something special.
Her case was a hard one to watch unfold – seemed

like her mom would be doing well, then fall off the wagon and Lilly would be once again in limbo.  It was pretty typical foster care case; in and out of court, visits missed, visits shortened, visits lengthened.  I remember one meeting where her mom was basically told that there wouldn’t be any more chances.  It was an awful meeting to be at.
We knew we weren’t a permanent placement for Lilly, but we had talked with a couple of friends who were smitten with her.  They did play dates and dinners and really thought Lilly would be a perfect addition to their family.  At that point, Lilly’s mom made a change and the parental rights termination trial was extended once again.  It was too hard for this couple to be in limbo with Lilly and they decided that it just wasn’t meant to be.  We knew they were heartbroken, but also completely understood that her case could continue for a long time and she may not ever be up for adoption.  Another family we knew had done respite for us, and they also were smitten with Lilly.  They let us know to keep them in mind if things looked like they were headed toward adoption, but they didn’t want to get their hopes up and get super attached if

they didn’t.
Awhile went by, many more meetings and court dates and mom was doing well.  The more time elapsed, the more it became clear that Lilly was on a path to return home.  You would think that we would be excited about that, as foster parents we are supposed to do all we can to support parents and kids being reunited but we weren’t.  We were scared for Lilly.  She had been with us over 2 years and was part of our family.  The idea of sending her back to mom was really difficult and we thought the state was making a huge mistake and putting this little girl’s safety in jeopardy.
We also knew that most of the time, when kids leave our care, we don’t see them again.  It’s the hardest part of what we do.   Loving  a child as our own then saying goodbye.
The date was set for her return to mom.  We talked with our kids to prepare them, we talked with the workers to ask “are you sure?” and after the court decision we had a date for her to return home.
It was just after new year’s, all our kids but Levi were on their last day of Winter Break and Levi had

woken up with an upset stomach and didn’t want to go to school.  We sent him anyway (no fever, no vomiting = school) and when he got home he was still not up to par.  Lilly was leaving at 7pm, so our whole family spent time in the living room playing games and just hanging out to get our last time in with Lilly.  Her mom came and we got her stuff loaded up, there were many tears and hugs by all, Dee and Trey were most emotional as they were really tight with Lilly.  Goodbyes are just really hard.  I had to leave to take Levi to the dr (turns out he had appendicitis and we were gone for the next 3 days) and Dee held down the fort, minus sweet Lilly.
Now Lilly has been home for 10 months and I am happy to report that she’s doing amazing!  Her mom is working and clean and doing a great job raising Lilly.  We get to see her and Erin still calls her her “sister”   We couldn’t have asked for a better outcome for this sweet girl.
Lilly and her mom came over yesterday to hang out and we got to give her all of Lilly’s baby things from the hospital (going home outfit, bracelet, etc) and some art from her time here.  We saved it because we wanted to be sure it went to Lilly, whether it be with mom or an adoptive home.
I can’t tell you what an amazing feeling it was to be able to see how Nicole has turned her life around and made this life for her and Lilly.  I was honored to give these keepsakes to her and it was a very special moment.  We don’t get many success stories like this, so this one I had to share.

So this is my family – it is ever changing and that is confusing to many.  Four remain the same in our family pictures, but I always smile when a group photo memory pops up on Facebook and I see not only how my kids have grown up, but who was in our family at that period of time.
Anyway, short and sweet – this is us right now.