I was inspired to write this after reading a similar essay by a friend who’s son has Asberger’s/ADHD. Our Trey deals with ADHD every minute of everyday and even though he’s the coolest, sweetest 6 year old I know it can truly be hard to deal with all that comes with ADHD. I know others are dealing with similar issues. Maybe this will help to see you are not alone in it. Take the time to see things from your child’s point of view, it’s truly eye opening. Thanks for the inspiration, Robb.
Trey’s Day
There are times when I am the best sleeper in the house, and it’s tough to get me out of bed. Other times, usually on the weekends, I’m the very first person awake sometimes as early at 5:30am. If I’m the first one up, there’s usually trouble. I can’t seem to do anything quietly and I really do try. I end up waking up Levi first and he gets mad but he never gets out of his bed and I really want someone to play with. So, I go downstairs and I stomp the whole way down because maybe someone will wake up when they hear my footsteps. I try to play quietly in the living room but even when I play alone with my toys, the toys end up in a huge battle that gets loud. Sometimes I can’t wait any longer for someone to come play and I go into Mama K and Mama Dee’s room. Dee is tough to wake up so I tap Mama K and I keep tapping her until she talks to me. She gets angry, but I know if she wakes up she won’t be able to go back to sleep and I will at least have some company. It’s not a very good way to start the day, though.
My brothers and I have 4 jobs to do each morning. We have to get dressed, make our beds, brush our teeth and eat breakfast. On school days we get up at 7 and have to leave by 8 to get to school on time. My body needs extra sleep on school mornings and Mama K has to yell up the stairs over and over for me to get up and get going. I’m usually awake and hear her calling but I stay in my bed so I can keep warm and stretch my body. I know when I get up I will have jobs to do and most mornings I end up in trouble. When my brothers and I are all trying to get our jobs done, I have a hard time staying focused on what I am supposed to be doing. If I head in to get my clothes on and on the way I see a Lego guy, I mean to put him away, but then I start playing with him and Mama has to remind me that I am supposed to be getting dressed. Sometimes it takes her telling me a lot of times and then she gets angry and yells. I get frustrated and I scream and yell back.
The hardest part of my morning is always the breakfast table. My mom gives me my vitamins and meds first thing and keeps asking me over and over again to take them. I don’t like swallowing medicine and I really don’t like the lemon gummy one, but its vitamin D and mom says my body needs that. I hate that she keeps bugging me to take them, it annoys me. Sometimes she looks away long enough for me to hide the lemon one. She always finds it, though and I still have to take it. When I am at the table, I can’t seem to sit still in my chair like my brothers and mamas can. It’s my hardest place to be. My arms flap and swing around and my mouth lets out sounds. Levi and Carlos sometimes copy me, which makes me furious, and I lose my temper and scream at them. Mamas always ask me to settle down and try to sit still in the chair. I try but I can’t stop. I also always think somebody is staring at me and I hate it when people stare at me so I get mad and yell “stop staring at me.” I know that they are watching my arms wave around and that makes me feel bad because I can’t help when my body does that. If I yell and get mad, Levi and Carlos laugh and then my anger gets really high and I usually start hitting the table or growling at them. They think that’s funny, too. It makes me so angry. Sometimes I get sent from the table because I make so much noise and distraction that nobody can eat. When that happens I have to get my other jobs done, go into the other room or go to timeout and when my brothers finish eating, I come back and eat by myself. I don’t like being alone at the table but it’s easier for me to eat without other people looking at me or distracting me. I still have to be reminded to take bites, though, because I can get lost inside my own imagination and forget that I have a job to do. It has taken so much time for me to get breakfast done that I have to rush to get dressed, get my teeth brushed and make my bed before it’s time to leave. If I go upstairs to make my bed, I always end up playing with toys and don’t usually get the bed made and I end up making a big mess in the room. Even though I try hard, I’m not very good at getting my jobs done before school.
In the van on the way to school there is always trouble. Carlos gets in the van first, even though his seat is in the front and Levi and I have to go past him to get to our seats. If I bump him, he hits me and says something mean to me but my body is too big to get by without bumping. Levi and I sit in the back seat with an empty seat in between us but it still is too close. My hands always end up over on Levi’s side or his hands end up over on my side. Mama K hates it when Levi and I fight in the car. If I touch him once I just keep touching him and he gets annoyed and ends up really hitting me back. Then I scream and cry so loud. I don’t stop screaming and sometimes Mama K even has to stop the car on the side of the road. She says when Baby Erin is old enough to be in the backseat I will move up to the front where she sits but I think Carlos and I will start fighting instead of Levi and I fighting. It’s just too hard to not touch him when he is sitting so close. One way I can stay calm and quiet in the car is if I have my music player. I love listening to anything with a good beat to it and I love to drum or sing along.
A lot of mornings I go to aikido before I go to school. It is a small class with only 4 kids, but we work hard on being mindful and starting out day out right. No matter what kind of morning I had at home, I know I can use aikido to find my focus. It really helps with the rest of my day, too. I am making friends with the big kids there, too, and they like that even though I am only 6 years old I am an orange belt and know a lot of techniques.
When we get to school I have to work really hard to stay on task. It takes a lot of my energy to not talk out when the teacher is talking and to keep my body still. I don’t mean to be rude but I just have so much to tell everyone. I hear “Trey, find your focus” sometimes even when I think I’m doing what I need to be doing. I have learned breathing and moving techniques in aikido that help me that I can do in class to help my focus. My teacher, Kathy, is my “Grammy” because she has been like a grandma and has known me since I was born. She loves me and tries really hard to help me. I do a lot of different things at school and it’s nice to have breaks in what we are doing because sometimes I need to just move my body. At recess I run and run and run and yell and scream and run some more. I love recess because I can be loud and move all over the place. Running always helps me be able to sit when we get back in the classroom. I love my friends and when we are at recess we play so many neat games together.
I have a lot of friends at school, I think because I am a really friendly guy. The kids in my class don’t always like when I hug them or put my arm around them to talk to them. I am working on understanding that other kids have smaller body bubbles than I do and that I can make them uncomfortable. I just do it because it shows them how much I like them and I always like being hugged.
Lunchtime at school comes and with the medicine I take I really don’t feel like eating. Even if Mama K puts in all the things that I love in my lunchbox, it doesn’t sound good to me. I listen to the story and move the food around and try to at least take a couple of bites.
When I get home from school all I want to do it go up to my room and play with my Legos. I can play for hours. I’m exhausted because I have had to be aware of my body all day at school. Before I can go upstairs, my mom makes me sit and eat at least the protein out of my lunchbox so my body stays strong. After I eat, I can play in my room or draw for awhile but my mom always makes me come down and “be social.” I love to play with Baby Erin because I can make faces or pretend to fall and she always laughs at me. I still do like a lot of her toys and now I can read books to her, too.
In the afternoon we pick up Levi and Carlos and go to aikido practice. We get to stop at the store for a cookie as a treat and that’s always fun. In the car we tell about our day at school and a lot of times we say the same things because we played together at recess. We get free time before aikido to run around the dojo and I practice my rolls until everyone gets there. I love training. I get to work my body and Sensei talks to me about being mindful and being focused on what I’m doing. We practice breathing exercises to calm our bodies and this is when my mind can be in charge of my body. I like the way that feels. It makes me feel in control and proud.
When we get home it is dinner time. Anytime I have to sit at the table I struggle. It’s just like breakfast time all over again and someone is always upset with me. When I don’t face the table, my food ends up on the floor or my swinging arms knock my milk over. I am always being told “face the table and eat your food” and “don’t talk with your mouth full” and “elbows off the table.” I get tired of hearing the same thing repeated over and over and mamas anger getting bigger and bigger. I don’t like to have mamas mad at me. We also get to tell the best part of our day and I always can’t wait until it’s my turn to tell about the things I did at school.
When dinner is over, we have some time to play. We don’t get to have tv or video games during the week so sometimes the boys play together or sometimes we play games with the whole family. I am always so tired that when mamas say it’s time for bed, I’m ready. I brush my teeth and get a hug and a kiss from Mama K and Mama Dee. Some nights we snuggle up and read or a mama comes upstairs to read to us. Other nights we go up on our own an turn on a story on cd and fall asleep. On the weekends we get to be on the couch, the whole family, and watch a movie before bed. Those nights are my favorite.
Even though I have some really tough things for a 6 year old to have to deal with, I’m a happy kid. I love my family, I love my friends and I really, truly love life.
Three Scurvy Dogs a Wee Lass (and their Mamas) 